I don’t have to tell you that life is a very interesting and chaotic adventure.
By chaotic and interesting I mean everything from weird to painful, to are-you-kidding-me and downright cruel.
And sometimes all we want to do is to make it all stop, to have a duvet day or 6, eat lots of chocolate, stick our heads in the sand and tell ourselves that we want to get off this crazy train now. Then the reality dawns that you can't - so you then just shut down as a coping strategy.
For years, shutting down was my main coping strategy.
Can you relate? And it worked like a dream. Losing my job, coping with several deaths in the family in a short period of time, family issues, work related problems, to be honest anything that felt uncomfortable - I would check out, off switch activated. Anything uncomfortable at all - yes I was gone.
It seemed to work at the time, but when I began working with the horses I realised that it actually wasn't a working coping mechanism at all. I was in fact kidding myself!
I would head out to work with a bunch of horses, or even my own horses and many of them would not let me near them. This upset me and the more it did, the more I shut down. The more I shut down, the more the horses moved away from me. The more that happened, the more closed I became, my confidence and self esteem eroded, and to be honest I lost my joy. The results - yes you've guessed it, disaster.
The realisation of what I was doing came to me one day whilst sitting in my field, with my horses, tears running down my face, I felt a massive sense of loss. My horses were watching me from a short distance away but if I moved in for a hug and a cry into their necks, they moved a few steps away - every time, but their beautiful eyes never left mine.
Remember how I have always said that horses are my teachers and mentors?
Well taking a deep breath I poured my heart out to them and they listened to my story and as usual they got right to the point.
After pouring my heart out I heard "it's time to be a tree". Yes you read it right - "it's time to be a tree". They realised I had heard their message, and they moved a couple of steps toward me.
"You need to ground yourself," and they moved two more steps towards me. Blinking back more tears, body shaking from the sobs I thought what have I got to lose - nothing else is working for me so I started visualizing roots coming out of my feet. The more I allowed the image of a tree to form in my mind, imagining roots going deep into the earth, the more my breathing changed and I noticed how much calmer I felt.
I felt like I could finally breathe for the first time in a long, long time. The deeper my breath, the calmer I felt, the calmer I felt, the more connected to myself I became.
What happened was even more magical - I could hear my horses, I mean properly hear them and they moved towards me. I could touch them and hug them and they loved it - but even more importantly, I started to feel for the first time in a long time.
I was actually in my body, feeling stuff. The good stuff, the uncomfortable stuff, the intuitive stuff. The whole nine yards.
At first it was really really uncomfortable in there. I had been storing away many, many years of stuff that had never been addressed or unpacked, emotions that I had not dealt with properly, trauma that was never processed and deeply ingrained patterns that I had decided not to look at. And up it all came.
As this stuff came up, wherever I was, wherever I went, in the car driving, getting up in the morning, going to bed, doing the shopping, being with the horses - many times a day I became a tree.
What happened was that the layers came away slowly at first, but allowing myself to be a tree meant that I became an observer of those layers, forgiving them, releasing them, letting them go.
You see being a tree allows you to enter what I call the "Present Moment Zone" which enabled me to release all these layers without judgment and whilst being fully grounded and safe.
Yes for the first time in a long time, I realised I had not felt safe whilst being shut down, opening up and being a tree - I felt safe!
I admit at first I was resistant and I had to fight the urge to shut down and disassociate.
At times my head would take over and leave my heart and body to their own devices over and over again, all in an attempt not to feel the discomfort of what was being experienced.
But, slowly and very surely, things began to shift. The horses helped me, even hugging an actual tree helped me, practicing energy medicine helped me.
And my shut down ceased, my heart grew and an intuitive trust that I could and can ride the waves of discomfort that comes with life opened.
Shutting down is harmful. When we shut-down we make the decision not to feel and our decisions, well, let’s just say they tend to be less than ideal and the anxiety that goes with shutting down, it's a signal to you that you do not feel safe, at all; which is a bit of an issue when it comes to getting through your day.
So, here are 4 more simple things to do when all you want to do is shut-down:-
1) Breathe.
Everyone that knows me, knows I am a huge advocate of breathing and breathing well because I say this all the time. Well it's important, most of us don't breathe property which fuels the feelings of stress and anxiety and fear! Your breath is your ticket to being in your body, feeling stuff and being able to let-it-go. So it's time to open your breath up because it's part of the secret of letting go - breathing deeply.
2) Do a conscious mini-shut-down.
What do I mean by this? When you need a breather from whatever is happening in life, 5 minutes to allow yourself to catch up, figure a few things out, listen to your inner wisdom and to relax do a conscious mini shut-down. The secret here is you consciously take 5! Being aware that this is what you are doing is the key!
My favourite mini shut-downs are to sit in nature at the field with my horses and just watch them, and nature that is around, the birds in the sky, the rabbits etc. I will sit and listen to how many different bird songs I can hear, or the breeze in the trees. I will study the trees and allow myself to imagine what it would be like to be that tree.
I even close my eyes and really visualise one of my horses, or the tree I have been studying, imagining every detail, every nook and cranny, the feel of the bark or my horse's fur, the smells etc. This is deeply calming, grounding, and reconnects you to your inner wisdom.
Other things you can do is to watch an episode or two of your favourite programme, take a bath or phone a dear friend for a good chat. That way you can still feel, relax and have a breather all at once – sometimes we just need a little space for a few things to work themselves out.
3) Do some energy work on yourself.
I love energy work, and it works. Your shutting down is your brain asking for help, because it is frightened of opening up your pandora's box of emotions and you need some support. Now support is a personal thing and it is also a good thing and worth it. Working with energy can and does support this; and it works even better with the support of animals or horses .
4) Hang out with some horses.
I hang out with horses. Seriously, if you need help knowing when you’re shut down or in the process of shutting down you may never find a better guide.
Horses don't like it when you shut down and become ungrounded - it makes them nervous. You get instant feedback from a horse when you are shut down, or shutting down.
You see when you are shut down you are completely cut off from your instincts and inner wisdom and are actively working towards feeling nothing. Any horse that acted like that would probably be kicked out of the herd. Why? Because they are a liability.
You may not realise this but life is so much better when you’re actually experiencing it, instead of being a robot which is what we are when we shut down. It might be a bit of a journey to get there, but it is so very worth the adventure.
Remember You've got this.
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