This is a question I have been asked a few times by clients, who are having a "Crisis of Confidence" and I think the simple answer is "Yes there is."
So why do I say Yes?
Many years ago when I started in the "healing field" for humans and horses, the majority of horse owners would all have one common demoninator - they admitted to struggling with self esteem, a lack of confidence in themselves or other areas of their lives, or were struggling with outside influences that were affecting and damaging their sense of self and confidence that was affecting their relationship with their horses.
This is the main reason why I have chosen to specialise in the area of confidence, anxiety, and overwhelm within the horse human partnership. Supporting people with confidence and self esteem is something I have been doing for as long as I can remember - it started when I was a lawyer working in Litigation and Insolvency. I used to also support newly qualified lawyers in handling court cases, appearing in court, and representing clients in front of Judges, Barristers, QCs etc.
I guess you could say it was a field of transformational growth that I just naturally fell into, and I confess I love!
Now not all struggles that my clients have, have stemmed from something to do with their horses. Very often it is overwhelm and issues outside of their personal horse world that is having a detrimental influence on their life with their horses.
This is anything from bullying in the workplace, grief of lost loved ones, to feelings of chaos and overwhelm in their everyday lives including anxiety over something simple such as driving to and from the yard.
There is also the loss of self esteem and confidence after being bullied on the yard; and upon moving to move to a better yard - the overwhelm of what they have gone through kicks in - and my clients need extra support.
The cry of "I just can't leave everything at the gate when I go to my horses" is something I hear on nearly a daily basis; and is often followed by "I have lost all my confidence in my relationship with my horse and I am thinking of giving up, but the idea breaks my heart."
The above is the reasons that I work with individuals rather than doing an online course because my clients need that person to person touch as each person is an individual that is unique, just as their horse is a unique individual, and their horse human partnership is unique and individual too.
Don't get me wrong online courses are amazing, I have utilised many myself - but they are impersonal, hands off and remote - they are a great introduction to opening the doors to regaining self confidence but do not always get to the heart of the matter for the individual.
The horse world is complex, judgmental and multi-facted where many don't always feel like their fit in because perhaps they are not into competing, dressage, horse racing or what have you.
Many of my clients are non riding horse lovers and do not ride for either personal reasons or because it is detrimental to the health and welfare of their horse - and yet their love for their horse and doing the best for their horse for the rest of it's life is paramount.
So if this post resonates with you it's because I get it - I have been where you are right now.
I have been bullied on yards, criticised for retiring my horse because of physical issues, having a field pet, for not competing, etc.
I have been overwhelmed at the loss of several of my family and friends in the space of a couple of years to cancer, job issues, family problems, work issues, job losses and dealing with daily life issues and struggles. And it all takes a toll - you know what I mean as I am sure you have experienced at least some of these too.
It seems to creep into every aspect of your life these "issues" and leads to this overwhelming, overwhelm and the cry of "when will this end."
I reached crunch point and one day, I quietly decided that this was not healthy for me, it was not only damaging my relationships with my horses, it was damaging my relationships with family, and most of all it was damaging me - emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually and I really had to do something about it.
That first quiet decision was the scariest bit because I didn't really know where to start, until I sat with it and realised that what I was doing for others I needed to do for myself and that was my starting point - making a decision to do something for myself.
It was how I wanted to feel in myself as a person, as a mum, sister, friend, wife, as well as how I wanted to feel as a horse person.
During those difficult times I viewed myself as someone who couldn’t do what she wanted to with her life and her horse, in the way that others did.
Everything felt chaotic and out of control, my self esteem and confidence was rock bottom in fact you could say I was a shadow of my former self - the person I was as a lawyer and person in general was gone.
By changing my mindset I’ve changed my life and my life with horses and everything is so much easier.
If I want to do something in my life, or with my horses then I will and I no longer worry about other peoples' opinions and judgments, because I have rediscovered how to trust myself and my judgment about what is right for me, and what is right for my partnership with my horse.
Once I decided not to settle for how things appeared to be, to rediscover who I really was and what I am capable of, everything changed and I hardly recognise that old version of me now.
Whatever you’re settling for right now absolutely doesn’t need to be your limit, nor your reality.
It was possible for me to change my reality it’s 100% possible for you too!
If you are a stuck and want some support to discover or rediscover your confidence, resilient self - get in touch. If you want to learn how to be a more confident horse rider or owner - get in touch. If you want to be more confident and improve your self-esteem, and reduce your feelings of overwhelm, get in touch!
Getting in touch is easy, you can message me here, email me on contactequiminds@gmail.com or click on my page name above and get in touch there.
Don't wait to enjoy your time with horses, it's time to enjoy it now!
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