Today I am going to talk you through one of my two-step process for helping clients release fears.
STEP 1: IDENTIFY AND RELEASE THE CAUSE OF THE FEAR
Every fear is rooted in something. Sometimes it's a traumatic event, sometimes it's a belief, and sometimes it's a combination of both.
In order to release the fear, you have to identify and release what caused it. The best way to do that is with questions.
The first questions I usually ask a client is :-
"If there was a reason why you have this fear, what would it be?
It's a simple question, but the simple route is often the most efficient way to get to where you want to be.
Sometimes my clients can answer this question straight away, sometimes they can't.
When they can, we can get started! When they can't, we do some more investigative work together to discover the root cause.
If you are able to answer this question about a fear, and identifying the traumatic event that caused the fear, then you can tap out the trauma, and usually the fear will go with it.
If, after tapping out the trauma, the fear is still there, then explore a little further and finish the following sentence by filling in the blanks:
I'm afraid of _____________ because ______________.
For example: I'm afraid of hacking because I may fall off my horse.
Then assess the intensity of that statement, and tap it down to a zero. If, after tapping that statement to zero, the fear of hacking your horse is still there, complete the following sentence by filling in the blanks.
I'm afraid of falling off my horse because ___________________.
Possible answers might be:I'm afraid of falling off my horse because I don't want to be injured.
Any answer to this question that has a charge to it is tappable, meaning that it indicates an aspect of your fear (or related trauma) that needs to be healed.
POWERFUL QUESTIONS FOR UNCOVERING THE ROOTS OF A FEAR
This is one question I use again and again in my work with clients, and it is extremely effective and getting to the nuts and bolts of a fear issue.
How old were you when you first had this fear?
For example, a client who was afraid of riding her horse in local competitions had developed a fear of and using her words "making a fool of myself at competitions I have no right to enter" - even though she was a competent rider. She identified her earliest memory of this fear as being at age 13. She was at to a local show, entered a competition, and whilst competing in the arena her horse spooked, bucked and ran off with her out of the arena at break neck speed. Her parents were watching her older sister at the time at a different arena.
When she managed to bring her horse to a halt, she suddenly came down with a headache and vomiting, shivering and shaking. After that the thought of even entering a competition brought on these physical symptoms.
Together we discovered that her 13 year old mind had decided that riding her horse in competitions had become unconsciously linked with feeling terribly sick, so I had her test the statement: "Riding my horse in competitions makes me sick."
Though the statement didn't make rational sense to her, it resonated with her as her emotional truth, and had a charge of 8.
We tapped that statement down to 0, then tapped out a few related statements, and once we did that, her fear was gone.
If the question, "How old were you when you first had this fear?" doesn't help you get to the root of it, try this one:
What does this thing that you're afraid of remind you of?
For example, I had another client who was afraid of standing in front of students and giving lectures - even though that was a part of her job.
When I asked her this question, she said that it reminded her of being at the dinner table when she was growing up, where her father would quiz her about current events.
When she didn't know the answer or got an answer wrong, he would ridicule her in front of the rest of her family, including calling her names that had stuck with her ever since.
Until I asked her that question, she hadn't realized that giving a lecture was associated in her mind with those upsetting family dinner experiences.
However, every time she did lecture or even thought about it, those traumatic memories were unconsciously triggered, causing all of the resulting fear, shame, embarrassment, and anger to come flooding through her body and mind. She admitted to getting sweaty palms, and breathlessness and even stuttering over her words, when she didn't have a stutter. These feelings in her body triggered the unconscious memories which made the situation even worse - "It's like being on a roundabout and I can't get off".
She also reported both fearing and resenting her students, though until this connection was uncovered, she hadn't known why.
Once we used tapping to release the pain from those painful dinner table memories, they could no longer trigger painful emotions and fear around giving lectures, and she was able to do so with confidence and relative ease.
One of the additional statements we used to release related aspects of the fear were:
I hate giving lectures. Giving lectures makes me feel like the students are judging me.
STEP 2: TEST IT
To make sure a fear is truly gone, I recommend testing it with statements like the following:
1) I'm afraid of _____________ (insert the fear you're working on).
Test this statement by asking yourself the following question: Does that feel true for you? If the answer is yes, you've got more tapping to do.
2) I wish I wasn't afraid of ____________.
Like the previous statement, if this one feels charged or true (or both), you've got more tapping to do, and you can begin with this statement.
3) I want to feel comfortable and safe around _____________.
Again, if this statement feels charged and brings up fear, your tapping work isn't finished. If this statement (and the previous ones) feels neutral, you're good to go.
If you are doing EFT tapping on your own, and you get stuck, are not able to completely heal the issue you are working on, or would simply would like to have the support and guidance of an experienced professional, I recommend working with an EFT practitioner.
If you decide that this is the best course of action for you, and you would would like to work with me, get in touch to schedule an EFT Session with me, chantilouisec@gmail.com. EFT sessions are usually by pre-arranged online video appointment, so you can be anywhere in the world to work with me.
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